Thirty-one

I walked down the staircase, not wanting to wait for the lift.
I then kept walking. I just didn't want to stop.
And I can't stop pondering.

How could I not know about it until Saturday?
Why would I still go for sister's convocation knowing that I was running out of time?
What I have done in the previous weeks?
I thought I was studying?
Why would things turn out to be this way?
Why couldn't I remember what I've studied just 1 day ago?
How could this happen to me?
What do I want actually?
Why do I want to fly actually?[Not for dream, of course.]
Why do I study so hard?
Whom can I talk to?
Talk? What do I want to talk about?
"How come nobody tells me?" NO.
Pathetically, I blame myself for what happened.
If only I have spent more time studying...
But then, would it make any differences? A little bit, I suppose.
No, I can't find the right word to convey what is in my mind.

It's all my own fault.MY FAULT!

I had just handed in my last Econ topic test.
Don't remind me of the speech. It's worse.

I walked back home today.
I didn't feel tired.
It's the heart which feels exhausted ,
yet, holding its last breathe,
whispered to my ears:

"Don't give up. Not Yet."