37

"God grant me
the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage
to change the things I can
and the Wisdom
to know the difference."

I read this from Mr. Derick's blog and somehow it sounds...meaningful.
I like the Serenity part.

Come clean

Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned

'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no life
I defy

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

I'm shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin

'Cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Than always staying in
Feel the wind

I'm coming clean
Let the rain fall
Let the rain fall
I'm coming...

Let's go back
Back to the beginning

Yesterday.

I bought a CD 5 years ago.
It cost only eighty cents.
It keeps all my favorite songs.
Backstreet Boys's.
Unbreakable. You're Beautiful.
Unbreak My Heart(Spanish).
We Belong Together. Almost There.
Wake Me Up When September Ends.
and more.

One day,
I decided to hide it somewhere.
Somewhere I won't be able to find it.
So, I hid it somewhere.
Another day,
I realized that I wanted it back.
So, I ransacked every possible 'somewhere' but, to no avail.
I simply forgot where it was.
I lost this CD forever, just like that.


I was granted a necktie two years ago.
It was a very unique tie.
No one could have possessed it. Not even the richest or smartest man.
I wore it around my neck every day.
It was inspiration.
It was, strength.
I kept it nicely, right beside my pillow.
And I thought this could last forever.

Yesterday, I decided,
to soak it overnight, in a little green bucket.
Today, I saw it in another blue bucket.
Mom washed it. She untied the tie.
And I lost the tie forever, just like that.
Just like that.
The very few things which were exceptionally important for me...
just like that.

Sometimes, it's just hurt to see them gone. As those were the very few things.. the only few things, you left behind. ='(

36

I spent a day, pondering on what can I say,
or how can I convert those feelings into words,
and arrange them in an appropriate manner,
so that they are in my favourite phrase,
and tell the world how much I loved it.

Heartfelt gratitude, I would like to extend,
to the ever energetic Ms Say,
who made Physics a little bit less complicated for me;
to the 'more-like-a-sister' Ms Effa,
who never scolded me for being slow no matter how long I took to figure things out;
to the ever-wanted Chem. lecturer Ms Jacklyn,
for making things clear for me although she looked fierce;
to the ever fatherly Mr Wong,
who broadened my horizons even though I'd still doze off during Econ classes;
and lastly to the ever sentimental Mr Derick,
for all the approaches he had taken,
and all the encouragement, throughout the course.

Here comes the toughest part.
I adore you. I cherish you. I appreciate you.
My classmates, my housemates, my neighbours,
and you you you you you and you you you you you...

Like I said, it's just as difficult as oral test. It's like you have so much to tell but there's nothing you can say.

If I were to build an ark, I bet it would be a ship.
Too bad that it couldn't be the Flying Dutchman,
and that farewell is inevitable.
But then I'd stay in this ship, and may life be great for you,
all of you.

that much.

Do you know?

You were once so annoying.
I loathed your whistle.
It was disturbing. Unbearable.

How I missed those days,
when you were only a friend of mine.

It could be your fault,
for not dumping me when you were deemed to
but to hold me tight and kept me felt secure,
when I was about to fall.

It should be your fault,
for arriving coll. at that particular time,
and created the so-called coincidence for me to meet you,
when I was heading to classes.

It must be your fault,
for letting my glance to meet your eyes,
and smiled the heart-gripping smile,
when I started to think more of you.

And it was your fault,
for unveiling the secret and confronted me with the pathetic truth,
which then left me with nothing else, but to succumb to your authority.

It was an unscrupulous trade.
As I stood naked in front of you,
while you were heavily armoured.

And now I miss your whistle. And that you are somehow different. And I awfully dreadfully seriously hate you, for knowing how much you meant for me, and exploited the power you've got, to manipulate and got me surrendered, meanwhile pretended like you're sorry.

This sounds like a psycho.
You wouldn't know how great it felt,
to be able scrutinize your features,
that openly.

That pair of eyes, which are so 'sepet-like' yet captivating;
[even with your specs on]
your favourite hairstyle,
which matches so perfectly with your striking face.

Also, you sounded great when you said this.
"It's chemical. You should wash your hands."

But, that doesn't matter anymore.

And that you're leaving soon. I could neither hear nor see you anymore.
But I know that I'll miss you less frequent, as time passes.
And I know what’s best for this mess. As you wish.

Take care.

I don't care what you think, nor would I give a damn about them. All I ever wanted is to write you a post, right at this very moment when you occupy my mind. And this denotes the end of your existence. As if you, never existed.