Tuesday, December 15, 2009


"God grant me
the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage
to change the things I can
and the Wisdom
to know the difference.

I read this from Mr. Derick's blog and somehow it sounds...meaningful.
I like the Serenity part.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Come clean

Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned

'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no life
I defy

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

I'm shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin

'Cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Than always staying in
Feel the wind

I'm coming clean
Let the rain fall
Let the rain fall
I'm coming...

Let's go back
Back to the beginning

Saturday, December 5, 2009


I bought a CD 5 years ago.
It cost only eighty cents.
It keeps all my favorite songs.
Backstreet Boys's.
Unbreakable. You're Beautiful.
Unbreak My Heart(Spanish).
We Belong Together. Almost There.
Wake Me Up When September Ends.
and more.

One day,
I decided to hide it somewhere.
Somewhere I won't be able to find it.
So, I hid it somewhere.
Another day,
I realized that I wanted it back.
So, I ransacked every possible 'somewhere' but, to no avail.
I simply forgot where it was.
I lost this CD forever, just like that.

I was granted a necktie two years ago.
It was a very unique tie.
No one could have possessed it. Not even the richest or smartest man.
I wore it around my neck every day.
It was inspiration.
It was, strength.
I kept it nicely, right beside my pillow.
And I thought this could last forever.

Yesterday, I decided,
to soak it overnight, in a little green bucket.
Today, I saw it in another blue bucket.
Mom washed it. She untied the tie.
And I lost the tie forever, just like that.
Just like that.
The very few things which were exceptionally important for me...
just like that.

Sometimes, it's just hurt to see them gone. As those were the very few things.. the only few things, you left behind. ='(

Monday, November 23, 2009


I spent a day, pondering on what can I say,
or how can I convert those feelings into words,
and arrange them in an appropriate manner,
so that they are in my favourite phrase,
and tell the world how much I loved it.

Heartfelt gratitude, I would like to extend,
to the ever energetic Ms Say,
who made Physics a little bit less complicated for me;
to the 'more-like-a-sister' Ms Effa,
who never scolded me for being slow no matter how long I took to figure things out;
to the ever-wanted Chem. lecturer Ms Jacklyn,
for making things clear for me although she looked fierce;
to the ever fatherly Mr Wong,
who broadened my horizons even though I'd still doze off during Econ classes;
and lastly to the ever sentimental Mr Derick,
for all the approaches he had taken,
and all the encouragement, throughout the course.

Here comes the toughest part.
I adore you. I cherish you. I appreciate you.
My classmates, my housemates, my neighbours,
and you you you you you and you you you you you...

Like I said, it's just as difficult as oral test. It's like you have so much to tell but there's nothing you can say.

If I were to build an ark, I bet it would be a ship.
Too bad that it couldn't be the Flying Dutchman,

and that farewell is inevitable.

But then I'd stay in this ship, and may life be great for you,

all of you.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


Holidays are cool.

1. What have you been doing recently?

Facebook-ing, Digg-ing... Things normal people do during holidays.

2. Do you ever turn your handphone off?

I think so..Btw, where's my handphone?

3. What happened at 10am today?

Sleeping with my bear bear.

4. When did you last cry?

Last week.

5. Believe in Fate/Destiny?


6. What do you want in life now?

What do I want now? Chocolates, I think.

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or put up your hood?

Nope. I use books instead.

8. What are the nicest things in your inbox?

Email or sms? Anything from Neutral I guess. =P

9. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?

People say I do.

10. Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone?


11. What was the last movie you caught?


12. What are you proud of?


13. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say and who is it from?

Wait, I think I lose my handphone..get back to you later.

14. What was the last song you sang out loud?


15. Do you have any nicknames?

Not really.. Sa Po?

16. What does the newest text message say and who is it from?

Owh.. it's very long.. from a long lost friend.

17. What time did you sleep last night?


18. Are you currently happy?

Hmm...not really.

19. Who gives you the best advice?


20. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?


21. Who did you talked to on the phone last night?

Nobody called me.

22. Is something bugging you right now?


23. Who is the last person to make you laugh?

My sister.

24. Do you like yourself?

Most of the time, nope.

25. You want $5 or $10?

What for?

26. Do you think you are stupid sometimes?

Nope. I always am.

27. Who is your best best best friend?

Yi Wen.

28. What will you do if you like that boy?

Nothing..stalk him, probably.

29. Who are your favourite stars?

Johnny Depp, Nicholas Cage, "Edward Cullen", Nicholas Teo...blah blah blah..

30. You hate your mother sometimes in some ways?


31. Do you had even stead before??


32. What type of boy do you like?

What?Type? Erm, probably the hybrid of neutral+durian. =P

33. Now are you single/attached?


10 people to tag. 10 random names.

1. You Gee

2. Wah Loong

3. Hooi Ying

4.Shun Ling

5. Ainin

6. Chia Venn

7. Ming Chai

8. Yi Wen

9. Zhao Kang

10. Jie Min

1. Would you date number 5?


2. Number 2 just got in a car crash. How do you react?

Omg! No!!! Loong, you're going to be fine... You'll be alright.. Yes you will...

3. You see number 9 with your boy/girlfriend. What do you do?

What do they talk about?

4. You come home and and your room has been ransacked by number 4.

Oh dear Dai Ga Jie, what are you looking for?

5. Number 1 is acting weird.

Told ya don't do that... Are you OK?

6. Numbers 3 & 8 decide to give 10 a haircut.

Cool!Make sure he looks taller and thinner please. XP

7. Number 7 just got tickets for him/her and you to go to a concert.

Thanks for the tickets. I'll go with Shun Ling and Ainin...and Hooi Ying. XP

8. Number 10 takes you to a bar.

In my dream..

9. Number 4 has to move to the other side of the world.

Yeah I know.. I'm gonna miss you like hell..Have a great life with your 'piggie' over there! XP

10. You and number 8 are being chased by the cops for an unknown reason.

Berat sama dipikul, ringan sama dijinjing. =)

11. Number 7 and you are sitting on the couch watching a movie when he/her wrap his/her arm around you.

What the... !! Get your hand OFF me NOW or I'm gonna sue you for sexual harrassing underaged girl! XP

12. Number 5 asks you out to dinner.

Let's go!

13. Number 9 and you are sitting on a bus.

Oh, he would probably in full spate then. There'll be no worries of 'communication problem'.

14. Number 6 calls you in the middle of the night because he/she can't sleep.

Wrong number. This number does not belong to Beng.

15. You're walking with someone and number 6 runs up and tackles you to the ground from behind.


16. Number 1 is crying one day and you ask him/her why and it seems their boy/girlfriend has dumped them.

Everything's gonna be alright. I'm still here.

17. Number 2 offers to bake you a meal. As you sit in the other room, the kitchen is suddenly aflame.

Loong again... Help!!!

18. Number 4 comes to your door one day holding a koala.

Wah, can I touch it? [Next, she'll be looking into the mirror and then smile, smile, smile....]

19. Number 4 just got you an X-Box.

What's X-box?

20. Number 9 challenges you to a children's card game!

No way! I always lose in card games! Yi Wen will play for me. =P

21. Number 1 thinks he/she's overweight.

Come on...

22. Number 7 looks lonely.

I'll tell Ainin. =D

23. Number 2 asks you rudely to go leave her/him alone.


24. Numbers 5 and 3 decide to throw a surprise party for you.

Thank you. But, for your info, surprises have succumbed to me.

25. Number 6 decide to dye his/her hair black. What do you say to that?

That's OK. What did Beng say?

26. Number 7 tells you he/she is going to go out for a while, and then later you hear about a shooting where he/she went.

God bless you... Nah, you're going to be just fine. I know that.

27. You catch number 9 by him/herself, crying.

Don't stressed up. I know it's hard, but you can make it through.

28. Numbers 1, 3, 5 and 6 all tackle you at once.

Huh? Speechless.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


If only I had the gut
to bang myself against the wall


Can't quit now. Can't move on, either.

i LOVE eald, very much.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Thirty-three(Love Letter)

If blogging has become a medium for us to talk, why waste it?


I can take harsh words. As long as you talk, I can take it. Because of you, I'm losing myself, wondering how could I become like this. And then, because of you, I found what I've been searching for all these whiles.

I'm been wondering, how could I dislike a close friend like you, so much, to the extent that I myself can't accept. Now I know why, but there's no need to tell. It's good that you left me alone, as the spaces you gave allow my hatred to diminish and now it's gone. Our friendship is gone, but there's no need to mourn as we both paid the price.

We used to be so close together. At least I thought so. But at the meanwhile, I know that I myself never really truly opened up and let you in. You can perceive thing this way: I never put much faith in you, even though I tried. I never try to be angelic, but I like the your comment that I am a coward who pretends to be good. All these whiles I am only TRYING TO BE GOOD, because I've never been real good, because I've been spoiled before I came here, because I listen to my head rather than my heart all these time.

I don't have a kind heart. No matter how hard I try to get one. There's always something inside, something I regard as selfishness. Even writing this is merely due to my selfishness, worrying that some time in the future I'll feel bad for what I've done to you before I die. See?

I've never been good in anything. Not even in 'shooting' people or to say what others dare not to say. It's you who dare to voice up, I never do, and that's the part I admire the most about you. I am a coward who pretends to be good, so true. If only I had your gut to be who I am. Somehow your theory of the art of camouflage fits exactly into my context. I have tonnes of masks, each different from one another. If I could make a business out of it, I'm pretty sure I could have earned more than Bill Gates.

I don't remember since when it began. I asked my best friend, how to divorce a friend, since the beginning of 2009. And when I thought things could be fine if I bend my knees, I suggested reconciliation and you accepted it. It took so long for me to realize that you and I can never be good friends, we never should, not with your characteristics and my personality. Never. It was a fatal mistake since the beginning. We shouldn't have been that close. Had we only been casual friends I'm sure we wouldn't have come to where we are now.

Yes, exactly, different mindset. For I am a coward, I bottled up all my dissatisfaction and unhappiness on the inside. I don't know if you do. Things went out of control when he came in between you and me. But I guess I've reached the breaking point that now it broke, and I feel extricated. How pathetic. It's all my problem, after all. It's me who got problem. Nothing to do with him or you.

I don't know much about you. But I know you can survive. And that you have a bright future ahead of you, waving and smiling and welcoming you. So I know it's good for both of us, to let go of each other.

You influenced me so much to an extent that I myself can't believe. I did not cry when Neutral went off to the US. Durian's rejection failed its duty to call for my tears. But you. I felt tears coursing down my cheek when I signed the paper, marking the end of our friendship.

I've been thinking of writing a love letter before I reach 20. Just never thought that it would be something like this. You never changed. You are still the one who I first knew. Assertive and confident. You've taught me a lot of important things in this life.

Lastly, for bearing hatred for you, for I couldn't make it the way I thought we were meant to be, for all the things that I've done which might have hurt you, I'm sorry. Glad that we both tried. Glad that you woke me up.

I am sincere, too.