Twenty-six

Sometimes, thing doesn't have to be that way.
I can always make a change

The craziness has to be halted.
I can always make it stop.

Forgive me
for telling you goodbye
before I tell you hi

Goodbye.

Twenty-five

Yesterday, I broke a beaker during Chemistry practical class. It was in examination condition. After boiling the solution for about 10 minutes, surprisingly and irrationally, I tried to transfer the BEAKER to the basin using a TEST TUBE HOLDER. Of course, how on earth can a test tube holder holds a beaker? I must had been running out of my mind, letting the unnecessary things wallowing in my mind all those whiles until I lost my ability to rationalize things. Darn..

So it fell and I tried to save it. Yet I failed and it broke.

Automatically as if it had been programmed, I turned and got to the sink and opened the pipe and let the water ran down my burning palms. Ms. Jacklyn was saying something, yet no one words got into my ears. Michelle, the first one came to me and asked if my hands were alright. Within a minutes, Chia Venn approached me and asked me the same question. Sooner, Hanis, my housemate who made me a birthday card during my b'day, did the same thing.[I was touched..I really did.]

Later, my palms were still burning. I mean, they are BURNING. It was, painful. Here came the the stern-looking lab assistant. Gingerly and slowly, she applied some medicine on my burning palms. I started to weep. [Glad that i was inside the 'preparatory room'] It wasn't about the pain. I simply felt touched by her. To me, she was a complete stranger; and this so-called stranger took care of my wound with utmost care, as if I was her little sister. "Don't cry..." I remember how soft her whisper was, and how sincere it was...that it touched my heart.

Within two minutes I calmed myself down. Reluctant to let my friends see my weeping look, I put on the 'everything-is-alright" mask[a mask which I have been wearing all these while] and carried on...

It costed me RM6 for breaking the beaker. In other words, I bought something else with this RM6. Had I not broken the beaker, I would not have seen the who are the real friends that I've got.

Chia Venn, a friend who I thought I've lost when she got together with Beng, has always been there for me when REAL troubles come. About two months ago, she was also the only one who consoled me. In fact, she was the only one who saw me through when that happened.

Hanis, my housemate+classmate. Besides making me a birthday card, she helped me to wash chicken when I first cooked in student house. She helped me to remove the 'fat' as it is unhealthy to consume "chicken's fat". Although there has been little conversations/interaction, she seems to be ready to help whenever I needed one. How nice of her...

Thanks a lot. I appreciate them. Thanks.

Twenty-four

What makes it so hard for us to talk to each other? How to break the emotional war?(or wall?)

Talking is inevitable. It must have been the most astonishing skill bestowed upon the people by the God, right after the ability to think. Yet, meanwhile, it must have been the toughest art of life that one needs to master, too. The greatest gift is the hardest ones to be truly appreciated. People don't seem to find pleasure in talking to each other. I attribute the matter concerned to the lack of faith which people put on each other, the unspoken conflicts which live silently in one's heart, and the clashes of opinions between the subjects.

First and foremost, the lack of faith. Enlighten me, if there's any, how is it possible for one to talk to a person whom you do not have faith in? In other words, it is simply implausible for a person to talk to someone who he does not believe in. Be it worrying that this person whom you talk to might breach his promise by leaking the source out or whatsoever, you simply don't feel like talking to this person anymore. You just don't feel good, to talk to him. An invisible barrier forms, you acknowledge its presence but you'll choose to ignore it, perhaps for the most practical reason-to avoid confrontation, or for the most ridiculous reason-to maintain your "friendship". The frequency of talking will thus reduce, gradually yet significantly, and then you come to a point where you find no point of talking to this person anymore.

The clashes of opinions, as shown in the movie "A thousand years of good prayers", the father and the daughter find it hard to communicate due to the disparities in perceptions and viewpoints. It is shown that the father did try to fill the pause with some chatters while having dinner with the daughter yet his struggle is proved to be futile. Bicker occurs when the father condemn the daughter for being rude by asking 'direct' question whereas the daughter regards his father criticism as obsolete and doesn't make sense. Two persons with completely different insights and believes, if were to talk to each other, will probably end up with quarrels and dissatisfaction. That's why it is so hard for us to talk, when it comes to the not-so-right person, and the bloody truth is that it is not easy to get the feel-so-right person in our life.

Lastly, it is hard to talk, when there are uneasy feelings bottling up in one's heart. It certainly is not something you can tell, without taking a second thought, of all the possible consequences which would happen, if you touched the most sensitive topic, as if the heat receptors in our skin being stimulated by temperature, which will then set out a chain of reaction within the nervous system and react by giving RESPONSE at last. For instance, in the movie, when the father finally talks about his past, yet the conversation[the monologue] does not sustain in a face-to-face manner but instead being "shielded" by a wall. It is the response which we are fear for, constantly. In short, we, human beings, sometimes, have the congenital tendency of eluding things we feel uncomfortable with. Confrontation, precisely.

How to break the emotional war?[Pragmatically, it is unattainable.] In order to break the emotional war, correct prescription should be given by addressing and dissolving the causes of the war. Surprisingly, talking is the only way which would probably work effectively to surmount the matter concerned. Emotion is not something that should be kept inside, it will only linger and evolve over time. Release one's emotions, be more open-minded to talk to each other...

Talking is a serious business. We talk all the time. But, how many of us are actually 'talking' to the people around us?So, open up one's mind and heart, and talk.

Twenty-three

Sarah came to our room just now.
"Wow, your room is very nice."
"Yeah, we sleep together." [Big grin]

Indeed, indisputably and irrevocably, I am deeply in love with our room. What's about our room? Believe it or not, it's the bond that makes it feels so homely. Yes, the invisible yet unbreakable bond amongst us.

As my memory drifts back to the IELTS era, the room is nothing more than a hostel for me. Four beds placed closely to the corners of the room, respectively. Study desks were set next to each other. It looked so 'academic' as I used to call it my personal study room.

Unconsciously, it has been one year since we first lived together. Now that we moved our beds right next to each other, which brought us closer together. =p

Hooi Ying, the motherly ones.

• She used to cut apples and pears for us, probably due to the immediate expiration of the fruit. Their appetite is rather weird, for me, as they relished the fruit with a substantial amount of salt put on it.
• Her fingernails are her arteries. She can't survive without them. She could feel awufully upset if she 'miscut' a picometer of them.
• She turns very scary when she studies. It is as if her body, her mind, and her soul have been possessed by some kind of 'spirit' when she plays her study mode.
• She is very soft-spoken.
  
• Narcissism level: 9.6/10.
• We sleep together but we do not share the same dream.
  

Chia Venn, the hardworking ones.

• She is like a machine. Four hours of sleep is enough for her to study industriously for a straight-four or more hour. She never seem to feel exhausted. Her eyes are wide opened while mine has already set into the slumber mode automatically.
• She talks lame jokes. Seriously. You can't differentiate between a normal statement and her 'suppose-to-be-funny' joke.
• She has purchased an effective Elephant Glue and she is madly in love with it.
• Level of abstraction: 9.8/10. - She asked the same question thrice within 30 minutes. Generally, we can conclude that she lost her memory after every 10 minutes, given that she is STUDYING.
• She is died when she sleeps. She hears no alarm, no calling, nothing. Dai Ga Jie used to be the one who had to wake up early in the morning just to turn off her clock alarm which was right beside chia venn yet she heard nothing.
• Her sleeping coverage is 'beyond boarder'. Even Dai Ga Jie has to make space for her.
  

Shun Ling, the Dai Ga Jie.

• Narcissism[10/10], her strongest human trait. If she happens to become a vampire, she'll definitely carry a mirror with her wherever she goes.
• Dai Ga Jie, sounds great huh? Honestly, she is just like any typical girls who are afraid of ghost tales. She told us to shut up before we get started.
• Love to look into the mirror and smile when she puts on hairband or cap or whatsoever...A girl who smiles at the mirror. [^v^][^v^]
• Oscar's top nominee. People foresee her as the winner for Oscar with a variety of her productions... She is indeed a multi-talented artist. Her voice is beautiful. Her acting skill is undeniably pro. Last but not least, her unforgettable Indian Dance.
• She is more like a KLite than I do. She knows every road from Bandar Utama to SS2 to Damansara up to blah blah blah...places which I didn't even aware of their existence had Shun Ling not told me.
  
• An once in a lifetime roommate. I could never meet anyone as nice as her. I find her affable to talk to. [^v^]

They are my rooommates. As we come from different backgrounds, we share the same room, the same fan, and the same dream. We talk about the college, the friends, the lecturers, and our own family. We welcome our neighbours [Ainin, Jae Von, Fern...] to our room. [Guys are strictly prohibited.] We share the same memory as well, in the room.

I love our room. I cherish the bond.

22

You lift my feet off the ground,
You spin me around,
You make me crazier,crazier
Feels like I'm fallin,
And I'm, lost in your eyes,
You make me crazier, crazier, crazier...

Crazier...I'm crazier about YOU.
Darn it.

Twenty-one

As known by all and sundry, we had a celebration for Ainin in conjunction with her 19-year-old birthday. The following are some of the preview of which had happened about 1 month before her birthday:

1. Few weeks before her big day, she had already drawn out the map diagram for one of her most anticipated days in 2009. She started showing Hooi Ying her past year birthday greeting sms-es...[Sweat..] See how excited her was over her own birthday?
2. She was the birthday party planner.
   
3. She had chosen her own birthday present, which was a skirt sold at the price of RM99 ,in which case she shared the present with nine of us by paying half of the price.[Gosh, she saved the world! She saved my bleeding purse!]
   
4. She decided on the menu for the dinner [Chicken, potatoes, pizza, and even the TYPE OF ICE for the drinks. Also the TYPE OF CUPS to be served to her guests].
   
5. She was the chief as well. She prepared the chicken, the cheese potato, the strawberries dessert, and last but not least, the ICE.
6. The rest of the aunties were in hibernation, still and calm. [See, that is what differentiate between an uncontrollable wild kid and the members of Auntie Association(AA).]
   

Alright. One day before her birthday...or to be precise, last Friday, the aunties had flung themselves into the preparation for the GREAT DINNER. Here I would borrow Mariah Carey's lyrics to proceed my entry. It goes like this. "Details don't matter we ALL(both) paid the price." So, the following are some of the highlights for the party:

1. The dinner was great, even though the atmosphere turned slightly awkward when the only opposite species kept talking while we were dining. [We were relishing the fruit of hard work(after the exhausive preparation) and "silence" isn't necessarily a negative term, right?]
2. The game was fun, credit to Hooi Ying.
3. Thank you Dai Ga Jie a.k.a Shun Ling for being supportive. Your cooperation was very much appreciated and I hereby guarantee that it would be engraved in our memories for the rest of our lives. Ladies and gentlemen, Shun Ling could be awfully CUTE despite her 'authoritative' demeanour.(^^)
   
4. Hooi Ying is indeed suffering from the ultimate stage of narcissim. This was proven when she could still admire her own looking with her hair being tied up like psycho by the rest of the aunties. No cure is available at the present.
5. The only species of his kind had admitted that he is....... Also, those who had opened up their 'heart' ...Hehe...[Don't worry. Those top the committee board of AA would zip their mouths till the end of AUSMAT. It is up to you whether to tell or not to tell.(Evil grin...)]
6. Chia Venn's Banana Dance had put all of us into loud guffow. Supposed she was to perform an Indian Dance, which was inspired by the Oscar's nominee-Dai Ga Jie. [Indian actresses dance around a coconut tree; Dai Ga Jie imitated them by moving her pillow left and right with her head(shaking) stays at the middle; Chia Venn shaked only the banana-like pillow[which happened to be Ainin's].
   

It was a memorable night. Ainin is now one of us. Happy Birthday to Ainin. She is one of her kind, and I hope she would never leave the world she is living in now.(^.^)

Twenty

One thing I hate about poem
is that it reveals my emotions, brutally.

One thing I hate about You
is the same thing I hate about poem
as you unclothe your sentiment, damn openly,
which I find it hard to bear with, in all honesty.

One thing I hate about myself
is the opposite from what I hate about You
as I conceal my feelings, impeccably,
that sometimes I feel like,
I am a betrayer, a traitor, and a murderer
to my own self.